3. late night thoughts,
as I posted yesterday about how too much or less confidence looks extreme and disturbing,

the thin line in between respecting yourself or knowing your worth and despising yourself is so sensitive that either way you fall to much makes you arrogant.

say you think, "I'm good at this" or "I'm bad at this", you keep pushing the idea to the edges, cus for us, egocentric beings, it's hard to stay in the middle due to feeling of importance and being special. it's actually hard to say "I'm just another human being". which there're ppl that good at it and I respect them. I think genetic big 5 formula would be mid neuroticism and agreeableness. and of course having these self doubts and questionings are healthy as well as long as not extreme.
I personally am not great at it and still training myself. some days I say I'm empty and not good at anything, hence the imposter syndrome. other days i feel like a Greek God or a warrior. Creative ppl usually have more emotional rollercoaster anyway, an engineer wouldn't be that much unsure.
but at the end of a day, what counts is actually "doing" something, finishing a project or product. if you feel like a God, doesn't really help much cus Gods and warriors doesn't like to do anything except drinking wine. that's what I've been doing, and not proud of it. I feel like a waste of potential. I dont like enjoying life without a tangible outcome. I don't like hedonism. even though thats how ppl might perceive me. it's like, you dont always drink cus you love it, you do it cus you're in stagnation.

go and do what you've been planning to do. or maybe don't, cus nothing matters? slippery slope.
everything you do matters. only psychopaths don't care

#nosleep 4:48 am