It happens every year but it never gets less jarring. That one drunk uncle brings up politics (and never in a thoughtful way). Your mother-in-law asks about that one sensitive subject that’s really none of her business.
Your grandma comments on how much food is on your teen daughter’s plate. Whatever the topic, family gatherings have a way of bringing a bunch of people with differing opinions around one table, where they’re just comfortable enough with everyone to spew their hot takes and outdated perspectives. If you have someone like this in your family, here are some Thanksgiving table scripts to respond to that one relative who always starts sh*t.
There’s nothing worse than when that one pot-stirring family member crosses you and you immediately feel your temper flare red hot. Or you get completely flustered and fumble for words. When someone pushes a boundary of yours, take a beat before responding.
Give yourself permission to slow down and stay in your body so you don't feel pressured to keep answering or discussing something you're not comfortable with. You don't owe anyone at the dinner table answers you aren't comfortable giving,” says Chloë Bean, LMFT, a somatic trauma therapist in Los Angeles. You’re not alone in feeling like the holidays are a hotbed for family conflict, experts say.
This has only increased as our socio-political climate intensifies and the gap between generational understandings widens,” says Whitney Polich, LICSW, licensed clinical social worker. There are three genres of response you could go with here, says Ashley Hamm, LPC, a licensed professional counselor who specializes in anxiety and people-pleasing. This is especially useful if someone is sharing something problematic that they might know deep down is inappropriate to share,” says Hamm.
Try these: “I’m surprised you feel comfortable sharing ideas like that.” “I have no idea what you are talking about.” “I’m surprised to hear you say that; I didn’t know people I knew held these types of views.” Keep a few alternate subjects in the back of your mind in case you need a quick diversion — a conversational smoke bomb, if you will. Think: “Speaking of the news, I saw a really funny story about…” “Speaking of the news, I saw a really heartwarming story about…” “I’d rather not talk about our opinions on that because I don’t get to see you very often, and I’d rather hear about what you’ve been up to personally!” “Simply acting like you didn’t hear them is a great strategy to stay disentangled from sensitive or divisive topics. Using some of the changing topics ideas above, you can simply start a new topic, or respond to the most recent unproblematic thing someone said,” Hamm says.
Extract — continue reading at the source.
