Women's Health may earn commission from the links on this page, but we only feature products we believe in. You know what they say: The couple who gets kinky together stays together. Seriously, spicing up your sex life won’t just stave off boredom in the bedroom—it can benefit your relationship outside of it, too.
Talking about your kinks and preferences can help you feel more connected to your partner, says Kate Balestrieri, PsyD, a psychologist, sex therapist, and author of What Happened to My Sex Life?. "Introducing kinkier elements into your sex life together can create a sense of adventure and deepen trust," she explains. "Inherently, it gives you the opportunity to talk about things on a deeper level, discuss different boundaries, debrief and evaluate together in a way that couples sometimes forget to do when they have the same routine sex life." Before having this convo with your partner, you should know that the term "kink" gets thrown around a lot, which can be confusing.
At its most basic level, kink refers to unconventional sexual preferences or behaviors, says Veronica N. Chin Hing-Michaluk, LMHC, a sex therapist based in New York. "[But] if kink is defined as anything that exists outside of the norm, I challenge you to think about whose norm you’re conforming to." Touché.
Your brand of kink might involve bondage and blindfolds, or sex with multiple partners at once, or simply using sex toys with your partner. Whatever you’re into, discuss your boundaries and desires with your partner before getting kinky to make sure you're on the same page, says Vanessa Marin, LMFT, sex therapist and author of Sex Talks. Next, come up with a mutual safe word.
It's critical not only when you want to stop, but also when you’re nearing your limit, says Chin Hing-Michaluk. "Having that framework with kink can help you pace yourself and figure out how fast or slow you want to go," she adds. Many people have the misconception that if they’re going to try kink, they have to go all in, says Marin.
But there are basic, accessible ways to make sex feel more erotic without diving head-first into BDSM (unless you want to). Depending on what you like, the first step might be adding some new moves into your erotic rotation. These 22 positions for kinky sex are a great start. (You'll even find recommendations to spice up the most basic positions—yes, I’m talking missionary—that'll pretty much guarantee next-level orgasms.) How to: You don’t have to do this one on a table—any surface that hits the penetrating partner at crotch height will do.
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