In reality, it’s a large collection of different windows, with each club having one of their own, through which they peer longingly, occasionally flinging large quantities of cash money out of them like half-cut sailors on a ship coming into dock, and they’re all in various states of disrepair. For example, Tottenham have only recently prised theirs open – the previous occupant, Mr Levy, had deliberately painted over the seals – and all summer it’s been flapping in the breeze like the screen door of a haunted house. Manchester City meanwhile have removed the glass from their frames altogether, allowing the free movement of large expensive items safely through it in both directions.
There are some officious-looking gentlemen with clipboards currently double-checking the structural integrity of that one. They say they’ll get back to us. As for the window at Anfield, well, nobody’s been looking after that at all.
Untended and covered in grime. Football Daily rubbed a small patch clear and peered through, only to see someone fast asleep at their desk, a passport and a one-way ticket to Saudi Arabia in one hand, clutched close to their chest. Someone else poked them with a stick, and eventually there was some reluctant movement.
Seems a fee of just over £100m has been agreed with PSG for Bradley Barcola, with add-ons based on individual and team success that won’t happen if Liverpool’s other recent big-money purchases are anything to go by, so they won’t bring the fee up to £120m. Football Daily used a finger to scribble “CLEAN ME” and “YOU DO REALISE IT’S A RIGHT WINGER YOU DESPERATELY NEED?” in the dust on the pane and quietly moved along. Chelsea meantime have completely redefined the whole concept of the window, replacing theirs with a revolving door.
See it constantly turn, powered by steam generated by the hot mess that is late-stage capitalism, and on Thursday morning Liam Delap flew out of it. An unceremonious dispatch, Delap has been cashiered in borderline disgrace after scoring two goals in all competitions since his £30m move from Ipswich one year ago, and yet somehow Chelsea have managed to make a £15m profit by flipping him to Nottingham Forest, who would have legitimate grounds for complaint at the absurd fee had they not started this whole nonsense years ago by breaking the £1m barrier for Trevor Francis. As Delap crashed clumsily through Forest’s window, sending shards of glass flying everywhere, Evangelos Marinakis grabbed a few planks of wood and quickly boarded it up, thus ensuring Morgan Gibbs-White still can’t flee.
Meanwhile having finally thought it through, Football Daily concluded that things were far better, and way less tedious, when the transfer window was simply an overarching metaphor for the period during which clubs are permitted to exchange contracts for playing staff, as opposed to actual, well, y’know. Yes, we think we’ll go back to treating it like that, until the whole thing SLAMS SHUT and we can keep it closed for another four months. They’re all in one big league table but there’s still a Champions League draw.
Extract — continue reading at the source.
