Most couples are aware of the dreaded “seven-year itch”, when the honeymoon period wears off and real life starts to bite. Now official data has shown that couples in England and Wales are more likely to split after 20 years. According to Office for National Statistics figures, more than a quarter of all divorces between opposite-sex couples happened after 20 years or longer of marriage.
The former Strictly presenter Tess Daly recently separated from her husband, the presenter Vernon Kay, after 22 years of marriage. The Downton Abbey actor Hugh Bonneville split from his wife, Lulu Williams, in 2023 after 25 years, and in 2019, Colin Firth announced his separation from wife, Livia Giuggioli, after 22. Last year, the Hollywood actor Nicole Kidman and singer Keith Urban separated after almost 20 years of marriage.
Divorce lawyers have previously said some couples are putting off splitting up because of the cost of living crisis. Recent figures have shown the average length of a marriage ending in divorce in England and Wales reached a record high last year. ONS figures have long appeared to show that the seven-year itch exists; since records began in 1963, the largest proportion of divorces each year has almost always been among those who have spent between five and nine years as a couple.
Just over a quarter (26%) of the 102,879 divorces of opposite-sex couples in England and Wales last year involved couples who had been married for 20 years or more, while 23% had been for between five and nine years. This is the second time the five- to nine-year category has been pushed to second place. In the mid-1980s it happened when a new law cut the minimum term of a marriage from three years to one.
Divorce lawyers think the rise of the divorce after 20 years is due to couples staying together for the sake of their children. Lisa Pepper, a divorce lawyer at Osbornes Law, told the Sunday Times: “The largest percentage of cases I see are after a long marriage. Staying together for the sake of the children is true.” The trend is also happening in the US: a Pew research group study found the rate of those divorcing after 20 years had doubled since the 1990s.
Researchers cautioned: “Divorce at this stage of life can also have some downsides. Grey divorcees tend to be less financially secure than married and widowed adults, particularly among women. And living alone at older ages can be detrimental to one’s financial comfort and, for men, their satisfaction with their social lives.” Analysis from the US law firm Weinberger found: “Marrying for life is no longer seen as the pinnacle of successful adulthood – especially in more progressive areas of the country.
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