In all of my experimentation with Shibari, candle play, BDSM, temperature play, and every sex toy imaginable, I’ve never had the guts to get into character and have sex with my partner as someone else. It’s not that I’m not into the idea. I think scenes that involve a doctor and patient, professor and student, and even two strangers in the bar would be ridiculously hot—I’m just too nervous to try.
Mostly because it feels kind of silly. Now, I’m not opposed to a little laughter during sex—I think it just makes the experience better. But I like to get out of my head when I’m sleeping with someone, and I’m afraid that I’ll be too self conscious about my bad acting to make the experience a good one.
But I’m determined to check role play off my sexual bucket list, and I plan to do so this Halloween. Well, we’ll already be wearing costumes. Joy Berkheimer, PhD, LMFT, chief sexologist at SXWA tells Cosmopolitan.
She explains that a costume can create enough distance from someone’s everyday identity—whether they’re usually the responsible one, the caregiver, or the person who waits to be pursued—that they feel like they’re “allowed” to express desire. And your costume has a lot to do with it. If you’re dressed as a superhero but usually shy in real life, you’ll likely feel more confident and powerful.
Even if you dress as a super villain, you’ll find yourself feeling mischievous or naughty. For me this Halloween, that’ll be Princess Jasmine. But instead of my boyfriend being Aladdin, he’s dressing as Jafar—he’s much sexier, in my opinion.
Plus, the dynamic of an evil sorcerer and steadfast princess is one that I enjoy. This means you basically already have a built-in rulebook for how your role play character should speak, move, and interact with others. I definitely intend to tell my boyfriend his “beard is so twisted” at some point in the night.
Extract — continue reading at the source.
