It’s all about easing in (and examining what got you here.) Work, kids, family obligations, running your household, a hobby if you’re lucky enough to have time for one — all of these things take time and energy. It’s enough to have you laid out on the couch, carcass style, at the end of a regular day. When something actually goes wrong, like the kids get sick or a work project keeps you at your desk late, it’s even harder to imagine getting it up at the end of the day.
No matter how much you love your spouse, sex droughts come for everyone at some point (ahem, many points) throughout a relationship. If it’s been a while and you want to get back in the game, here’s how to reinitiate. Even when you’ve been married for years, once you and your partner get in a routine of not having sex, it can feel awkward or strange to try and start it up again.
It almost feels like you have to acknowledge the drought, and therefore the bad things that led up to it, or perhaps the parts you’ve both played in letting it drag on. It’s just a lot, but try not to blame yourself. They're certainly nothing to be ashamed of, nor do they represent a ‘failure,’” says Angie Rowntree, ABS, board-certified sexologist and founder and filmmaker behind the award-winning ethical adult film site Sssh.com.
Bodies get sick or injured, or may have different needs. Children are born and demand your time and care. Older parents may need care.
Any number of stresses and interruptions in your life can upend what was your regularly scheduled Saturday date night or sap you of the carefree mojo you’d usually bring to the bedroom. None of that is a shortcoming, or is anyone’s fault.” Every couple is different in terms of how much sex is enough for them to feel happy with it, so remember that you don’t have to meet some made-up quota of intimate evenings per week. If you are ready to get back into the groove, though, here’s how to start.
First, initiating sex after a long break comes with natural stress and pressure. If it doesn’t land with your spouse, don’t let it get you down. Don’t hint with memes, but act.
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