Click here for great holiday gift ideas for everyone on your list I had an equal partnership – and I still became the default parent Here's how I reclaimed my time without compromising care for my little ones. Every now and then, my husband picks up his phone and car keys, and announces he’s going out for something spontaneous. He’s gone in about ninety seconds if I don’t stop him at the door.
And I generally don’t, because I want my husband to have time for himself. Standing behind the closed door, I ask: When was the last time I left this house by myself, without planning it, negotiating it, or trading for it? Not once since my first child was born… three and a half years ago.
Then it hits me: I am the proverbial default parent. In my life, I have moved countries on 48 hours’ notice. I have started businesses and communities on four continents, landed in cities where I knew no one, and figured it out from the ground.
Yet here I am, unable to walk out my own front door without a negotiation. Now I am the kind of person who books a haircut six weeks out. My husband carries himself with the lightness of someone who isn’t carrying the majority of the parenting load.
The mental one: how many diapers, ounces of milk, and clothing changes need to be packed for a single outing. The emotional one: forecasting ways to address my little one’s growing feelings or managing the conditions to prevent a meltdown. The logistical one: managing energy levels and knowing a missed nap isn’t worth the spontaneity of welcoming last-minute visitors (the hosting of which, by the way, would fall on me).
He doesn’t carry any of that because I do. And I know I’m not alone in this. (There are even several Bluey episodes about it). But I thought my husband and I would be different.
Extract — continue reading at the source.
