I Thought Going Gray Meant I'd Stopped Caring about My Looks.

I can’t think of a better decision I’ve made in my 50s than going gray. Getting there, however, tested me in ways I didn’t expect. Despite having been a social conformist all my life, I decided to go gray cold turkey: I simply let the dye grow out, a thick strip of gray hair widening along my side part.

Going cold turkey felt like a radical act of defiance, my way of announcing: From now on, I’ll stop caring about what others think and do whatever I damn well please, thank you very much. It was also my way of gradually befriending my new look as the line between gray and brown crept down a fraction of an inch each day. Just as I’d hoped, my decision instantly freed me from the expensive, psychologically wicked, and time-consuming tyranny of dyeing the roots, which, like stubborn weeds in a garden, emerged just days after the last coloring, demanding they be covered or else I’d look old, which much of human society equates with ugly.

What I didn’t predict, though, was how others would react to my transition and what their reactions would reveal. At first, when my roots were one inch long, no one said anything, and I wondered whether friends and acquaintances who were unaware of my project thought I was depressed or just really busy. When folks looked at me funny, I imagined them asking themselves and each other: What’s wrong with Daniella?

She’s too young to let herself go! Should I say something to her? As for those who did know of my plan, they probably thought I’d give it up sooner or later.

I didn’t hold it against them one bit. Honestly, it crossed my mind many times to go back, especially during the stage when my sideburn roots stuck out from the still-brown hair that cascaded over them. My adult son, Diego, who’s developmentally disabled and as honest as a 4-year-old, helped me get through this depressing stage.

I explained my going-gray decision and asked whether he liked my hair better brown or gray. He chatted about brown bears having brown fur and then declared me to be like a mother polar bear. Well, I find mother polar bears to be beautiful.