There is a scene in season two of Friends I think about often. Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey, who have low-paying jobs, decide to have a serious conversation with their more wealthy friends —Ross, Monica, and Chandler—about struggling to pay for expensive group dinners and concert tickets. Ross says he never thinks about money, prompting Rachel’s famous line, “That’s because you have it!” Even though this scene aired in 1995, the same dynamic continues to play out in friendships in 2026.
Last year, my friend wanted to have a birthday dinner at Carbone in London, an Italian restaurant that is arguably more famous for celebrity sightings than its actual food. My friend works full-time at a national magazine, whereas I’m a freelancer. Everyone else cancelled on her birthday, so it was just the two of us.
I felt bad for her, so I didn’t mind spending $75 on food. But a few months later, when it was time to plan my birthday, I couldn’t imagine asking any of my friends to spend the same amount on me just to visit a fancy restaurant. It felt like an extortionate amount of money.
It felt tone deaf and entitled. So I hosted a house party instead and asked everyone to bring pizza. Another friend recently ranted to me about how she has spent more than $10,000 over the last year attending destination weddings and bachelorette parties.
And while she is, of course, ultimately responsible for her decision to oblige, she has also noticed that the financial pressure to participate in expensive wedding culture tends to breed unnecessary, quiet resentment among her friends. This pattern is painfully, but subtly, common. Money can shape friendships and also reveal people’s values.
The wealth gap between friends doesn’t necessarily cause dramatic fights or resentment. More often, it shows up in the small decisions: where you eat, which holidays you can afford, whether you can join a last-minute night out, or whether suggesting an expensive activity feels embarrassing in the first place. And unlike romantic relationships, where finances are often explicitly discussed, friends rarely sit down and talk about the fact that one person earns significantly more than another.
Extract — continue reading at the source.
