At the end of his time as consultant to the England cricket setup Gilbert Enoka praised Brendon McCullum’s incredible work in healing the culture of his team. Enoka is best known as the architect of the no-dickheads policy in sport. This is basically Doctor Dickhead.
And history has shown this to be correct. All the evidence suggests the numerical value of dickheads in the England cricket team was something other than one. And yes, zero is not one.
But so are all the other numbers, the ones that go up the other way into plurals, multiples, an infinity of dickheads. Enoka’s work with England ran to November 2025. Around that time Harry Brook had a fight with a bouncer, Jacob Bethell and Josh Tongue went boozing before a game, and Rob Key set his own fine example by deciding the best thing to do was keep it all under wraps.
A month later it was Noosa, more booze, Ben Duckett lost in space. Next up in the kingdom of not one dickhead we had the Lord’s curfew stuff, Ben Stokes having a hissy fit, then on to Derby and handcuffs. There wasn’t one dickhead in that dressing room.
Gilbert, you tried to warn us. As of this week we have something else. Into this farrago of numerically uncertain dickhead magnitude comes the latest calming influence.
Enter Kevin Pietersen, who is back as England’s white-ball mentor for the three-month rollercoaster ride that begins on Tuesday at the Utilita Bowl. The no‑dickheads policy has never made total sense. Who gets to decide what a dickhead is?
Extract — continue reading at the source.
