Get those jack-o’-lanterns out, because Halloween is just around the corner! It’s August, for God’s sake. Every day, I wake up to 90F weather – my skin moist with sweat and my eyelids stuck together.
I can’t drink coffee on my porch without being consumed by an army of voracious mosquitoes that seem to find my blood to be the most delicious of all. And it’s not just Los Angeles that’s withering under a summer of discontent. The east coast heatwaves are piling up, sending millions of young people to the absolute last place they want to be: an air-conditioned movie theater.
But you want to tell me it’s fine to be putting out Halloween decorations? If I don’t store my giant bag of fun-size Twix in a standup freezer, the whole damn thing will melt into chocolate soup. (Don’t even get me started on recent claims you should eat soup when it’s hot outside. It’d rather slurp up my own sweat from a bowl.) Why am I fuming about this?
Even though I love Halloween, I’m mad because our glorious big-box overlords have declared, via careful inventory selection, that Halloween season has begun. I find all of that unacceptable. It feels like a violation of the natural order, a realignment of one of the few glorious constants left in the world.
I yearn to go back to the tidy order of holidays, where no two ever cross paths. At most, Halloween celebrations should start in late September. Not a month after Independence Day.
I fear those days are done, that our world has irrevocably changed and I need to start getting ready to give in to the new normal. I first became aware of Halloween’s creep into the summer during a recent sundries run at Target. There are costumes, life-size skeletons, treats and various decorations on offer in-store.
Extract — continue reading at the source.
