Earlier this summer, Shara Arora’s 9-year-old daughter came home from a magic show determined to perform a few tricks of her own. Before long, she was holding up a towel and making a spoon appear to float behind it. Arora could see that her daughter had taped the spoon to something.
But instead of spoiling the trick, she acted amazed: “How did you do that?” Her daughter’s face lit up. She explained how she had devised the illusion, what had inspired her, and the trial and error involved in making a spoon float. The real magic, it turned out, wasn’t the spoon.
It was what happened when a parent who knew the answer kept quiet and let her child become the expert. Simply asking your kid to teach you something once a week can boost their confidence, strengthen their communication skills, and give you a glimpse into parts of their world you might otherwise miss. Kids spend a huge portion of their lives being instructed, corrected, and evaluated.
Asking them to teach you something—even for five minutes—changes that dynamic in a small but meaningful way. For once, the parent stops being the authority and becomes a curious student. That can be especially powerful for children who struggle in school, says Alex Anderson-Kahl, a school psychologist and founder of Raise Strong, which offers practical tools and coaching for parents.
Parents get to see that “competence doesn’t just live on a report card,” he says. Maybe your child finds math class miserable but can construct an elaborate Minecraft universe. Perhaps they boast an encyclopedic knowledge of dinosaurs, know every rule of a sport you only pretend to understand, or can edit a video faster than you can locate the camera app.
Asking them to teach you creates an opportunity to demonstrate—and experience—their own capabilities. That can resonate more deeply than simply hearing, “You’re so smart.” “You’re giving the child an actual opportunity to show their confidence,” Anderson-Kahl says. Plus, the lesson offers clues about how they think: how they organize information, communicate an idea, and respond when someone doesn’t understand.
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