When I wake up in the middle of the night, usually from what I assume is general anxiety about the current state of affairs in America, but also about all the things I have to do for my children while trying to excel at my job, be a good wife, a good daughter, a good sister, exercise regularly, maintain a reasonably presentable home and somehow remain an overall upstanding member of society, there are very few things that can calm me down. One of them is watching Gwyneth Paltrow make an extremely elaborate breakfast while it's still dark outside. A few weeks ago, in the darkness of my New York bedroom, Paltrow appeared on my phone wearing a pressed yellow shirt, men's boxer shorts and those black, slightly emo glasses that somehow make her look very cool.
Her hair was messy (I just got out of bed!), she had no makeup on and the Smashing Pumpkins' "1979" was playing in the background, a song that immediately transported me back to the hopes and dreams I had about a decade ago. No pun intended, the ingredients were all there and they sucked me in. Paltrow was making what she described as "the viral" egg katsu with soy-braised garden vegetables and sausage, an absurdly elaborate breakfast, particularly for someone who appeared to have just rolled out of bed.
At one point, an egg slipped off her spoon and she let out a little cry of frustration. Even Gwyneth Paltrow makes mistakes! The whole thing was so...soothing? https://www.instagram.com/reel/De3-SeYRjy4/?hl=en The video is part of her Boyfriend Breakfast series, a tradition she began while dating her now-husband, Brad Falchuk, when she would prepare him something special every Saturday morning.
The kitchens change (how many houses does she own?), but the vibe is the same. There is always a fresh cup of coffee, a relaxing, nostalgic tune playing in the background, an occasional trip to her own garden to collect vegetables and Paltrow wandering around in pajamas, sometimes wearing glasses, cooking without a cookbook in sight. I cannot stop watching the display of serenity and I wonder why.
I love watching people cook, which is an essay for another day, but what fascinates me about my obsession with these particular videos is that they should, by any reasonable measure, make me feel terrible. Here I am, awake at 3 a.m., mentally preparing dinner for 12 hours later, trying to figure out what is healthy, what groceries need buying, which work deadline I might miss and whether I can squeeze in a workout before someone needs me again. I am simultaneously watching Queen Paltrow calmly harvesting vegetables for breakfast and I'm not mad at her for it.
I'm soothed while realizing, once again, that women (well, "regular" women, that is) cannot have it all. Different factions of society have spent decades telling us that the career, the marriage, the children, the beautiful home, the toned body, the hobbies, the self-care and the friendships were all in reach. The Bureau of Labor Statistics' 2025 time-use survey found that women spent an average of 2.4 hours a day on household activities, compared with 1.6 hours for men.
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