A man living with terminal cancer says his biggest regret is spending decades carrying childhood trauma without realising it was shaping his life. Rex Mackrill, 65, from Tetbury, Gloucestershire, says being diagnosed with incurable prostate cancer forced him to reflect on what matters most, and one lesson he wished he learned earlier: to relish the joy of every moment. "I knew there was something wrong.
I knew there was a blackness that I was carrying and I didn't know what it was, and I wish I'd known earlier," he said. With a limited time left ahead of him, Rex has been looking back on his life and considering what advice he would pass on. Football club makes history with £1m lottery win Headlines: A royal visit and 'shin-kicking' Traitors star coming to Cheltenham Literature Fest Because prostate cancer runs in his family, Rex regularly monitored his PSA levels.
After a raised test result, further investigations confirmed he had incurable stage four prostate cancer. Rex underwent chemotherapy but said the treatment took a significant physical toll and he now lives with the side effects of hormone treatment, including intense fatigue. "I stopped doing a job I love as a GP practice manager," he said.
"By the time I went through chemotherapy, I couldn't do the job that was needed." Leaving work was one of the biggest practical changes brought about by his diagnosis, although he says his priorities remain firmly focused on his family. "Sarah and I have always had a strong focus on our boys. We structured our lives to give them the best upbringing we could." But while cancer changed his perspective and future plans, he says one of the most important discoveries of his life came years before.
For much of his adult life, Rex lived with anxiety but could not explain why. "I knew that I was frightened, but I didn't know why," he said. The turning point came at 60 when a life coach noticed he appeared to "shut down" while discussing certain topics.
"He said, 'You've got trauma, dude'," Rex recalled. He later sought help and was diagnosed with PTSD. Rex believes the trauma stemmed from abuse suffered in his childhood and says he is still exploring its impact today.
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