At one of their first dinners together, Lindsey Hall watched the man she was dating take enormous bites, talk with his mouth full, and—horror of horrors—burp loudly without seeming to register it. The evening was supposed to feel romantic. Instead, Hall remembers thinking: “Have I made a mistake?” She tried to dismiss his behavior as a minor incompatibility.
But it continued, meal after meal, and gradually soured her feelings and attraction toward him. Table manners had never seemed like a priority until then. Terrible table manners might sound like a trivial complaint.
But eating is one of the most routine things we do with other people, and a habit that inspires disgust three times a day can quickly become difficult to shrug off. The challenge is figuring out whether—and how—to address bad dining habits without making the person feel humiliated. Here’s what psychologists and etiquette experts suggest.
Table manners can feel like universal rules, but they’re shaped by culture, family, and upbringing. They’re social agreements.” Before correcting someone, think about whether they’re being inconsiderate or simply behaving differently from the way you were taught. Slurping noodles, eating with your hands, and keeping your elbows on the table, for example, can carry different meanings depending on where and how someone grew up.
That doesn’t mean you have to enjoy every habit you encounter. Talking while chewing, spraying food, or sharing utensils while sick can interfere with other people’s comfort or hygiene, says Virginia Chow, a clinical psychologist in Montreal. The point is to understand exactly what’s bothering you—and avoid turning a difference in upbringing into a judgment about someone’s character.
That’s especially important because people rarely react only to the offending behavior. Someone chews with their mouth open, and you might start thinking they’re selfish, oblivious, or disrespectful. Perhaps the person also interrupts you, leaves messes behind, and routinely takes the last helping without asking.
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