He also co-convenes the Political Psychology Specialist Group of the Political Studies Association. You cannot just decide to do it. To quote a message I once received: ‘You’ll get there, and it hits you really suddenly, one day you’re like, wow what, I don’t care?’ All I had to do was wait.
Because moving on from a heartbreak requires such patience, it can seem like time itself is what does the work of healing you. Just as for a broken bone, time is the best healer for a broken heart. This is the passive view of moving on.
Let time do its thing and all will be well. But a broken bone, without a splint and support, will heal defectively. Likewise, if I remained passive, could I really expect to get better?
After all, it is when a relationship is truly and permanently over that we need to move on. And what is permanent once remains permanent forever; time alone makes no difference to the permanence of loss. If all I could do was wait, would that be reassuring?
I would have no agency, no way to shape the moved-on version of myself. So perhaps it is preferable to think that moving on takes a while not because it is a passive process in which time itself heals all wounds, but for the opposite reason: it requires challenging, active work. As Murdoch put it: The question this active view of moving on raises is this: what is this work of acquiring new objects of attention, this different kind of energy, its different source?
What is the activity of moving on? When you’re in a relationship, all being well, you have what philosophers call a unified valuational perspective: you value your partner and your life together, and this value shapes your choices and actions in consistent ways. Take Joel and Clementine, who share this kind of love.
Extract — continue reading at the source.
