You feel a rush every time their name pops up on your phone. You can’t stop thinking about them. You’re counting down the hours until the next time you see each other.
You’ve fallen in love, and it's “that can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kind of stuff.” (IYKYK—and when it comes to love, you know.) Or at least, you used to feel that way. But lately, you’ve started daydreaming about the sexy stranger you see on the train every morning, your partner’s once-adorable habits have become downright annoying, or you feel more like roommates than soulmates. If any of this sounds familiar, you might be falling out of love.
Rest assured, “it’s normal for partners to feel a sense of ‘falling out of love’ now and again,” says Carla Marie Manly, PhD, a clinical psychologist and author of The Joy of Imperfect Love. Relationships naturally change over time, and your feelings can ebb and flow along with those changes. Often, a change in those warm-fuzzy feels is due to a variety of factors, rather than a single issue, says Nikki Coleman, PhD, a licensed psychologist and sex self-confidence coach based in Texas.
Some common causes could be mental health challenges, a shift in personal values, financial stress, parenting duties, or time spent away from each other due to work. Any and/or a combination of these factors can lead a couple to drift apart, even though neither partner has done anything “wrong.” Falling out of love doesn’t necessarily mean it’s time to call it quits—instead, it might be an opportunity to reassess the relationship and rekindle your connection. But first, here's how to tell if you've lost that loving feeling: Think back to the early stages of dating: You showed up to a date, eager to learn everything you could about your new love interest.
When there is a lack of curiosity—maybe you feel like you already know everything about your partner, for example—it’s a big sign you could be falling out of love, Manly says. Unlike the honeymoon phase when enthusiasm is heightened, falling out of love is often marked by a sense of apathy or ambivalence. This is known as “relationship fatigue,” meaning you feel drained and have less motivation to keep the connection going, says Kalley Hartman, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Newport Beach, California.
You may forget important milestones, stop prioritizing quality time together, or feel like putting in effort is a chore. Maybe you give them one-word or noncommittal answers, or you share less with them about your day than you normally would. You may even start to shut down or hide your true thoughts from them, which can create emotional distance (and resentment) over time.
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