I’m helping my 87-year-old mother brush her teeth and change for bed. My 10-year-old calls from the room next door that he and his dad are done reading his latest Big Nate book. He asks (again) when I’m coming to his room to say goodnight.
I try not to rush my mother, but I’m exhausted after a long day, and keenly aware of missing those precious minutes right before bedtime when you get the real deal from your child about everything that happened that day. After months of juggling my work as a therapist with caring for my aging mother (who has been diagnosed with dementia), and being a present, engaged mom and wife, I had to admit that I was dropping some balls. Having all of this on my plate was clearly not working.
I knew I was not alone — I’ve been having this conversation with many friends and clients, also in their 40s or early 50s. In fact, 47% of caregivers under the age of 50 are part of the sandwich generation, those of us who are raising children and caring for aging parents at the same time. If we aren't talking about perimenopause with all its patches and pills, we’re talking about the health concerns of our parents and, potentially, our grandparents as well.
The burnout I was feeling falls particularly heavily on the shoulders of women. Even if you have siblings, most of the caregiving responsibility consistently falls on one person, and that person is typically a woman. Women shoulder the majority of caregiving responsibilities, often to the detriment of their careers.
To make matters worse, some caregivers may have a complicated relationship with the parent who is now dependent on them. Caring for your parent can be immensely rewarding and depressing. Sometimes I feel deeply honored to care for the person who dedicated her life to caring for me.
Other times, my mom can’t remember why her beloved husband hasn’t come home yet — my father passed away several years ago. She really doesn’t enjoy having to be bathed by her child, for that matter. As a mental health professional who has sat with clients going through this very thing, I expected to have more of the answers, to be able to cope and balance more than someone else due to my experience.
Extract — continue reading at the source.
