If your sex life feels about as inspired as white rice and chicken (hey, no hate to the bodybuilding community), you’ve come to the right place. A bout of boring sex is a very normal experience for people in long-term relationships, Missouri-based, ASSECT-certified sex therapist De-Andrea Blaylock-Solar, LCSW, CST, owner of Sankofa Sex Therapy, tells Cosmopolitan. For some, it's the closeness that cockblocks eroticism.
While security, safety, and predictability can sustain relationships, they don't necessarily foster the excitement that helps desire bloom,” she says. For others, a timeline marked by internet slop, robot takeovers, genocide, and extreme weather emergencies squashes any libidinal pull toward sex—and the creative chutzpah required to keep it exciting. And that’s to say nothing of financial stress, medication side effects, hormonal shifts, and other libido-lowering realities pleasure-seekers have to contend with no matter the state of the world.
And still others have been together so long that they know what works and haven’t branched out from their true-and-blue badabing, badaboom boning habits because, well, the ‘if it ain’t broke don’t fix it’ mentality has gotten in the way. No matter what's causing your Boring Bedroom, there is no reason to panic at the disco. In fact, a case of the bedroom blahs actually gives you hella intel.
Basically, sexual boredom tells you something about what you no longer want—plus, gives you a little kick in the rear to figure out what you do want now. Ahead, sex experts share six things to try to take your sex life from boring to banging…literally. Wanting to try something new doesn’t mean the sex you’re already having SUCKS—and ideally, your partner(s) knows that, too.
Being brave and (kindly!) suggesting asking for an addition or substitution to your go-to sex menu may be all you and your partner need to kick-start a little conversational ping-pong about what you’d each like to try. If you and your partner are already comfortable talking about sex, go ahead and use your go-to opening line. Otherwise, Blaylock-Solar suggests bringing up the topic outside the bedroom and sandwiching your desire for change between reassurance and curiosity.
Altogether, making it sound like a brainstorm in the name of mutual satisfaction, and not a performance review, might sound like: The brain, as the saying goes, is the largest sexual organ. And if yours could use a little stroking, consider calling on erotic material. Whether consumed via the page (i.e., smut) or your earbuds (i.e., audio porn), this freaky fodder has been shown time and time again to get the proverbial engine revving.
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