Few things can derail a first date faster than the arrival of the check. Does he actually let her? And, perhaps most tellingly: Does he spend the next ten minutes explaining why women who want men to pay for dinner are hypocrites who can’t possibly believe in equality?
While in the past this little dance could be an indicator of whether someone was a “gentleman” or not, the conversations around paying for dinner carry more weight now. I don’t think splitting the bill is inherently a red flag. But in today’s political climate, I do believe there is a difference between a man who genuinely believes in sharing expenses and one who seems personally offended by the idea of treating a woman he’s trying to impress—and I definitely don’t believe the latter is really a fan of equality.
In The Red Pill Handbook—one of the most frightening collections of text I’ve ever read—it says: “Anyone who tells you that you should give women what they want, for free and unreciprocated, is your enemy.” Throughout other red pilled forums and threads, there is a similar emphasis on rejecting courtship unless there’s something in it for the man. This “something” is almost always sex. Red-pilled men are typically aligned with conservative, right-wing, and far-right politics.
One of the markers of all of these ideologies is a rejection of feminism and autonomy for women. These men are anti-abortion, think women belong in the home, and judge a woman’s worth as a person by her sexual habits. Now, I’m not saying that a man who asks to split the bill is automatically a red-pilled misogynist, but the discourse around “who pays for dinner?” has evolved from a discussion on gender roles and date etiquette to a gross power move by men to paint any treatment toward women as transactional.
And this represents a new reality of dating: one where politics is at the subtext of every romantic interaction. I’d like to preface that for most people of color and queer people, this has always been the case. As we learned during the second-wave feminist movement: The personal is the political.
The simple fact of being a minority has always meant that dating includes assessing whether your date’s beliefs were at odds with your identity. Does the person sitting in front of me have political views that invalidate my existence and hurt me? Donald Trump’s second presidency—tied with the rise of the Manosphere—has ushered in an era where this is a fear has extended to all women.
Extract — continue reading at the source.
