It requires putting your own instant gratification, ego, and pleasure above the feelings and safety—both emotional and sexual—of the partner you agreed to make a commitment to. Now, I don’t think cheating automatically makes you a bad person—some good people do bad, stupid things sometimes. But I do think that if you’re taking elaborate steps to be sneaky and unfaithful to someone, it says a lot about your character.
For example, I think using your Notes app—yes, your Notes app—to cheat says a lot about who you are. And, yes, people are doing this now. I’ve seen some ridiculous ways people have been sneaky about being involved with someone outside of their partner: Saving someone’s number as “Pizza Hut,” changing a contact to one of those 5-digit numbers so it looks like the bank is texting you, and even keeping secret messaging apps.
But when I saw that people were adding people as collaborators on a Shared Note in the Notes app—just to send hidden messages their partners wouldn’t suspect or think to check—I realized that some people will pull out every absurd, manipulative stop to cheat on someone when they could just end things. Some people have a difficult time expressing themselves or even acknowledging that something is wrong in the first place. So instead of being vulnerable with their partner and telling them when something is wrong, they feel justified in going to “fill the gaps” in the relationship themselves—usually with another person.
OK, I get that talking about your feelings can be hard, but nothing feels like more of a difficult task than trying to communicate with someone on your Notes app. It’s just a lot of effort. Additionally, it’s not always people who are unhappy in their relationships that cheat.
Sometimes, people love and adore their partner and still will go out and make emotional and sexual connections with people behind their partner’s back. Psychotherapist Amy Lewis Bear explains that some people cheat because they want the best of both worlds. It could also just be that they’re not very empathetic people.
Bear says that there are people who have strong narcissistic traits. For them, cheating may have less to do with dissatisfaction in the relationship and more to do with a belief that they're entitled to whatever they want. They view their own desire as far more important than anything else—including their partner’s feelings.
Extract — continue reading at the source.
