When you’re together, it’s butterflies and kismet, but there’s one thing wrong: you live in different cities. Or worse, in different states altogether. Long-distance adds an undoubtedly difficult component to a relationship, but not an impossible one.
Many long-term and married couples have dealt with being long-distance at one point or another, and have lived to tell the tale. A little extra dose of savvy with a touch more navigation. I don’t want to make it sound like it’s easy-peasy though—LDRs aren’t for the weak and can be an uphill battle.
So to get the full rundown on what makes long-distance relationships successful—and fails—we asked experts about their most common pitfalls. From mismatched communication styles to the sheer lack of physical touch and intimacy, below are some of the four most common reasons long-distance relationships fail. For some couples, this feels like an impossible hurdle to overcome.
Instead, you're relying on texts, phone calls, and trying to make time for each other, which can leave a lot of room for misunderstandings,” Carly S. adds. Despite these inevitable hurdles, with a little creativity, maintaining physical and emotional intimacy with your partner can be done. The anticipation to see someone you only get to lay eyes on a few times a year is exciting, it’s almost like a perpetual honeymoon effect.
However, when it comes time to actually spend real time together, sometimes the facade fades away. Turns out, there’s a name for that: idealization, or when you like the idea of someone or something much more than the person or thing itself. And it’s not just the way we communicate, but having different expectations for how often communication should happen.
If someone doesn't respond to a text or misses a phone call, it's easier to start filling in the blanks, particularly for someone who might struggle with anxiety or insecurity.” That spiral sometimes can lead to jealousy issues, though of course, those aren’t exclusive to LDRs. The distance might act as a magnifying glass.” She continues, “When we don't have all the information, our minds tend to fill in the gaps. A delayed response to a text can suddenly feel like evidence that something is wrong, even when there's no real reason to think that.” Keep the golden rule of “quality over quantity” in mind when it comes to communicating with your long-distance partner, and don’t assume more of something is the quick-fix.
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