There's nothing quite like the early stages of dating someone new. The butterflies, the flirting, the staying up way too late texting someone you barely know. Everything's going great until they do something that makes you wonder: Wait, is that a red flag?
Then again, according to the internet, practically everything is a red flag these days. Takes three hours to text back? Still friends with an ex?
But there's a difference between someone giving you the ick and someone showing signs that they might not be a particularly healthy partner. So, which dating red flags actually deserve your attention, and which ones are just personal preferences? Ahead, relationship experts break down the warning signs worth watching for, the behaviors that aren't necessarily cause for concern, and what to do when something feels off.
Simply put, relationship red flags are warning signs that someone's behavior could lead to an unhealthy or potentially unsafe relationship. Think dishonesty, disrespect, manipulation, or controlling behavior, rather than someone occasionally being in a bad mood or forgetting to text you back. And while the terms red flag and dealbreaker often get used interchangeably, they're not exactly the same thing.
For example, someone not wanting children might be a dealbreaker for you, but that doesn't mean they're doing anything wrong. The same goes for incompatibilities, like having different lifestyles, communication preferences, or long-term goals. Red flags, on the other hand, tend to point to bigger issues involving respect, honesty, or safety.
According to relationship therapist Adrienne Michelle, LMFT, host of The Audacity to Heal podcast, they're often patterns that reveal how someone treats others, including their partner. Of course, one questionable moment doesn't necessarily mean someone is a walking red flag. As Abrishami emphasizes, red flags are information worth paying attention to, not an automatic verdict on someone's character.
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