But to this sex and relationships writer, it’s become a pretty spooky symbol the rest of the year, too. The “black cat girlfriend” came to be as a social media trend representing women whose behavior could be compared to a black cat. Anyone who has ever owned a cat knows that they are independent creatures who only bestow their warmth on rare occasion, or, at least, that’s been my experience.
The black cat girlfriend is this in human form. The black cat girlfriend trope resonates with a lot of women, especially when paired with a “golden retriever boyfriend,”—an extroverted, affectionate match. She represents self-sufficiency, boundaries, and the ability to open up to someone on her terms.
These are all things I relate to. But what I can’t get on board with is the idea that has transpired over social media that being a black cat girlfriend also means being cold and distant with your partner in public. When talking about the black cat girlfriend, people often cite Jade West from Victorious and Wednesday Addams from Wednesday as examples (even though Wednesday isn’t anyone’s girlfriend).
While I love both of these characters and think they’re strong-willed and fierce, I wouldn’t want to embody them in my relationships—at least not in a longterm partnership with someone that I trust and adore. The idea of a black cat girlfriend serves women well when they’re in the early stages of dating. It also reminds women that they don’t need to be people pleasing in the way they’re often pressured to be.
But over time, this trend has come to represent someone who—while in a happy and loving relationship—acts as if they don’t like their partner at all. And this version of a black cat girlfriend is one that doesn’t feel like me. In an era where “having a boyfriend is embarrassing,” and men are seemingly more awful than ever before, I understand where these feelings come from.
Some women are determined to make sure that their relationship doesn’t become their entire personality or that they don’t seem anti-feminist for being partnered with a man. And I get it, men are embarrassing—but not if he treats you well, respects you, and supports you. So when social media pushes the idea that a black cat girlfriend is someone you wouldn’t be able to guess is actually into her partner, it sends the message that this dynamic is “cute” or something to aspire to.
Extract — continue reading at the source.
