is a clinical psychologist, life fulfilment expert and author based in Sonoma County, California. With a direct and honest approach, plus a dose of humour, she enjoys supporting others in the ever-evolving journey of life. Her books include Joy from Fear (2019), Date Smart (2021) and The Joy of Imperfect Love (2024).
She also hosts the podcast Imperfect Love. Jealousy can rear its head in many ways. Have you ever felt displeased and resentful that a partner showed someone else ‘too much’ attention?
Or that they spoke fondly about an ex? Or maybe you’ve felt unsettled when a best friend or a family member made social plans that didn’t include you? In situations like these, your feelings of jealousy might gnaw at you under the surface, or you could feel so hurt that you lash out at someone you love.
Jealousy is a normal emotion and, like other emotions, it can affect people in both healthy and unhealthy ways. At its worst, jealousy can keep you stuck in negativity, anger and resentment. But when it’s managed well, jealousy can be useful – an alert that you are feeling threatened in some way.
There’s a lot to unravel when it comes to this commonly misunderstood emotion. And the more you learn how to gain insight from jealous feelings, the less likely you’ll be to cause yourself or others unnecessary angst or pain. This Guide is for anyone who wants to know more about jealousy, though it could be particularly helpful for those who chronically struggle to understand or respond well to jealous feelings.
The goal, in any case, isn’t to eradicate jealousy, but to learn to engage with it in beneficial ways. Jealousy arises when the love, affection or attention you receive from someone else seems to be at risk, usually because you perceive the actions or presence of another person as competition. Although ‘jealousy’ and ‘envy’ are often used synonymously, envy involves wanting something that another person has, whereas jealousy generally points to a lack of security in a relationship.
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